TODAY'S TOP STORY

Enarra Launches Campaign for Sainthood

AP Wire --Having won all the Mozzies for two years running, including Best Editor in languages she doesn't speak, Enarra humbly announced her candidacy for canonization. Vatican sources quoted the Pope as responding "WTF?" Full Text >>"

Does Being A Perv Really Make Me a Bad Person?
By Newwave 

Have You Considered Editing [insert obscure category]?
By Raggedyrugs

Five More Die in War in Iraq Thread PENGUIN--The ever-heated debate, which has now lasted six times longer than the war itself, claimed 5 more lives today, as parties from Texas and Guam called in successive air strikes. Asked for comment, Robert Keating said the new "air-strike button" was in retrospect "a huge fucking mistake".

Metas Complete Real Estate FAQ
REGIONAL-- Shortly after announcing that the revised real estate FAQ was ready for discussion, shocked metas were informed that all internet Real Estate ads had been banned  by UN provision 7 months earlier. After initially voicing dismay that no-one had told them... one asked "Wait, does this mean we can get rid of Rob's?"

Robowar Killed by Angry Mob After Starting 12 Threads to Announce That His Voice Changed
LOCAL--Shortly before dawn Saturday, editor Robowar was dragged from his bed and set aflame by an angry mob of editors that flew in from as far away as the Virgin Islands for the purpose. Witnesses said that a surprised Robowar was brown, crusty, and unavailable for comment.

 Violence Spreads In World Forum
WORLD-SUOMI—Despite recent measures aimed at curbing forum violence, a group of disgruntled World/ editors barricaded themselves inside the World-Suomi forum, insisting they would blow it up if their demands were not met by 10PM EST. At press-time the entire list had not been fully disclosed, but sources close to staff said they were confused by the insistence on removing the letter "M" from the Directory. More as this develops.

 The Return of the "Your Humble Edit-All"
GENERAL FORUM—Amid rumors that hell had actually frozen over and lambs were sleeping with lions, an exultant David Prenatt, aka - Netesq, was reinstated and given meta-privileges in a surprise move by staff. No explanation was offered for the move, although whispers suggest massive drug-abuse by certain staff members may have played a part. Asked for comment, Autumn replied... "Oh, like, wow", then commenced coughing furiously before passing out.

 Campaign for Nudity in Adult Forum Continues
ADULT FORUM - The campaign for an all-nude Adult/ forum entered its third week with continued calls for all members to "take it off baby" by meta-editor Ffabris. Though several asked how this would make a difference since they still couldn't see each other... the cat-calls continued until all present at least *said* they had removed their clothing. Editor "rwkat" was quoted as saying "What the heck, everyone else did!".

 New-Ed Reaches 5000 Mark in 6 Hour Marathon
NEW EDITOR FORUM— New editor "Ihadanotherlogin" set a new record for editing skill by making over 5000 edits last night while working as night-dispatcher at the 911 facility for the Los Angeles Police Dept. He said it wasn't really very hard, and "very few people died" as a result of his new-found passion. He then announced his intent to post news of the feat "at the top of every forum".