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VOLUME 01  ISSUE 06

News From The Penguin Forum and Around The World

  

 

 24 MAY 2003
 
 TODAY'S TOP STORY
Tuisp Named to Dmoz Security Post
"We're serious about forum safety" says Keating
Hey, it's working so well for Tom Ridge.PENGUIN FORUM- 

In a move several critics described as "a meaningless symbolism" and "dumber than all the Texas editors combined", the new Office of Mozland Security introduced a "Forum Threat Level Assessment" system. Editors are advised to study the charts before posting to avoid verbal assault or ODPSS. Tuisp will be aided by Deputy Director Rinka, who said "the title is quite an honor, but it'd be a lot more fun if we got paid for this stuff".

How can we improve The Daily Editor?
Editors provide useful feedback. Sort of. 

I say we remove the bozo  Hildea

 Perpetual Evil Meta Nominee

I'm thinking add something. Humor maybe. No, not the stuff you have in it now... you know,  FUNNY humor.

Vote to remove  Enarra

 Patron Saint of New Editors

Speaking as a newly minted saint I'd have to say you're going to hell soon, so it really doesn't matter.

Vote to remove  Rdkeating25

 Wannabe Unicyclist 

 ROFL. Like I care?

Hell yes. Remove.  Kctipton

 Meta from Who-ville 

Have to go with the guys above me on this one. I vote to remove.
Gotta abstain. I kinda like the picture I got.  Ffabris

 In Charge of Nude Forums 

Well, the "nude forum" jokes are wearing pretty thin. I mean seriously, you don't really believe that do you?
You yanks think everybody here is bloody Dundee.  Mnirgr

 Australian Version of Saint 

Hmm. The Metas really nailed you fella. Guess they're smarter than I thought.
Vote to re-Moo.  Suzy1212

 Prefers cows to her co-worker

[She didn't have anything to say, but it's a really cool cow picture, eh?]

  HEADLINES OF THE DAY
Grab my butt again and you won't believe where this putter's gonna go.Anneka Plays in PGA Colonial

World doesn't end after all
FORT WORTH TX -- Colonial spokesman says "she's the Jackie Robinson" of women's golf. "We wanted to prove we deeply respect women. Letting a cute babe play seemed the easiest way".

Send me your tired your poor... oh screw all that, y'all just c'mon in.France Announces Product Recall  
PARIS -- France announced a recall of "all Statues of Liberty with serial numbers 001-002" due to metal stress. The US was instructed to return the statue in its original container and it would be repaired free of charge. Shipping at the customer's expense is estimated at $2 billion, but France offered on-site repairs "if Rumsfeld apologizes for being a prick". Lame-duck spokesman Ari Fleischer responded... "Damn I can't wait until I'm out of this stupid job." 

 
 OPINIONS
 

POINT / COUNTER-POINT
The Forum is more fun with a little humor. 
- By Oneeye 

Humor - schmumor.
- By Kctipton

ADD YOUR VOTE

 Do spring Mozzies next fall?
Did you fall for Oneeye's resignation again? 
Does changing my Mozzie image every day count as editing?
 

Orlady takes a well deserved break to smoke her pipeORLADY 
READS THE STARS 

Daily readings for the brave, the bold, the not so bright. 

 

ARIES 
Editing in chefmoz makes you hungry.

TAURUS 
Shoulda updated your virus software before reviewing greens today. Too bad about what happened! 

GEMINI 
Unsolicited offer from Nigeria promises untold wealth. 

CANCER 
Oops. The meta who reviews your newcat request notices your last 200 edits were changes to the Mozzie image in your Bookmarks. 

LEO 
Keep spinning & saying "I'm a monkey, I'm a tree." It's not working, but you're so dizzy you can't tell. 

VIRGO 
Romance may develop from a post in the Penguin Cafe. 

LIBRA 
Many "500 Internal Server Errors" await as you edit today. 

SCORPIO 
Act quickly to submit your catmv requests, as the catmv queue will stop running very abruptly. 

SAGITTARIUS 
A female member of your family falls in love with a luzer in the Penguin Cafe. You are unable to get her to understand that she is making a terrible mistake. 

CAPRICORN 
Your forum posts are invisible to other editors. 

AQUARIUS 
The stars are in your favor today, but that doesn't impress the hamsters. You fall asleep while waiting for your edits to process. 

PISCES 
Your proposal for an editor get-together at your place gains favor after you offer to pay for the beer. 

 

If today is your birthday... 
Don't forget to celebrate!

 
 IN OTHER NEWS

DRUG CARTEL PURCHASES CANADA
Not much of a story, but we just don't get enough chances to pick on Canada
Occupants receive 30-day notice 

Newwave Moving
I get 50 MPG in my house. What's yours get?
NEW MAILING ADDRESS:
 -  Renault Under Bridge
 - 4th Street & Main Ave
 - Clyde, NC 

Sahhb to Return Soon
Sahhb displays that "squared away" look. Oo-rah!

IRAQ - On loan to the USMC, Sahhb expects to return to the land of flush-toilets and showers soon. "It might have been easier to win hearts and minds if we didn't smell like camels. I can't wait for a bath."

BUGS IN YOUR FORUM?

POLICE BAFFLED as Nigerian Bank scam continues despite arrests. "Just can't figure out who we missed" says FBI spokesman.

Interview with:
Editor Brmehlman
We prefer the term "sobriety challenged".


Buy or Die.

Personal Of The Day
What. You've never heard of "Computer Sex"?

RPFULLER

Seeking special friend. Must have...
 * Lots of RAM
 * Sizable hard-drive
 * Network card
No humans please.

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This is the fool who writes most of this drivel