Asked how it was going thus far, the Texan proclaimed he had "already made several major improvements" to the directory. Staff was less enthusiastic. "I know he said it was just an accident" said R.D. Keating, "but how could a guy that's been here so long 'accidentally' delete Alaska?"

French editors were "similarly unimpressed" with the Catmv of Regional/France to Germany. Said a visibly shocked Tuisp, "Don't make me come over there." 

Forums Down - Accidents Up

GENERAL -- The recent downtime of the Dmoz forums has sparked a sudden rise in ambulatory injuries among editors. Most reported cases were simple sprains and tears as untried muscles succumbed to stress of actual movement, but in a bizarre case editor Donaldb discovered he'd actually grown to his chair. Doctors report Mr B survived separation surgery. "We were a little worried... it's always dicey when you operate that close to the brain."

LAWMAKERS CRASH BUS

OKLAHOMA - As they were leaving the state to flee another GOP backed redistricting vote, a busload of Texas legislators met a tragic fate on I-75 N. Arriving rescuers were surprised to see a local rancher tamping dirt on a neat line of fresh graves that apparently contained all aboard. Asked if they'd ALL died, the rancher reported "Well a few of 'em said they wasn't dead, but you know how them damn politicians lie".

FERRET REPLACES DMOZ HAMSTER
" The Smell is just awful ! "  

DMOZ I.T. DEPT -- "I honestly never noticed it until the issue was brought to our attention" said one staffer. In an effort to address complaints about the "God-awful stench", ODP staff agreed to improve their personal hygiene immediately if the newly hired ferret, PartyDoll, consents to stay. 

Uday Decries False Advertising

HELL --Having always been told he would get 72 virgins if he died fighting The Infidel, Uday Hussein reports that the afterlife isn't all it could be. "For beginners, there aren't ANY virgins... which though not altogether different from some parties I attended while alive, at least there I didn't have this heat. This place sucks! Seriously, it's almost as bad as west Texas."

Bush Refuses to Send Peacekeepers to DMOZ  

SOCIETY --Despite years of unrest and violence in the Society Forum, particularly in the vicinity of the Catholic Encyclopedia, President Bush declared he could not devote troops to stop the bloodshed. "Yes, our intel shows the problems stem from outsiders coming in to incite unrest, but I'm just not sure we have enough men to handle a project this size right now." He added, "Still, if they start pursuing a nucular arms program, call me." 

NBC Hits Bottom with 
"Who Wants to Bury a Billionaire"   

HOLLYWOOD -- As Reality TV execs strive to create ever seamier cheaply produced titillation with non-professionals who will do almost anything to get their face on the screen, NBC has set a new high for low. The program will involve 12 exotic lap-dancers competing to kill an 88 year old billionaire with a bad heart. The winner gets half of his estate, but if he lives they get nothing. Asked what HE gets out of it... retired mortgage mogul and ODP editor Ramsey said... "You're kidding, right?"

IRAN ON EDGE OF REVOLT
US Ponders Ways to Push it Over the Edge

IRAN -- With intelligence sources reporting general public unrest in Iran, US officials are said to be looking for some way to create just a bit more discontent so that the regime currently in power, which is a historic enemy of the US. might collapse. At a hastily called brainstorming session at NSA everyone agreed the way to do it is obvious... but the hitch is figuring out how to make Gray Davis the Govorner of Iran.